Monday, May 24, 2010

I Regret Nothing

I couldn’t sleep…

I’ve literally spent the past 3 hours reading through the most random blogs. I’m not sure why. I started out reading a short blog that a friend of mine posted. For some reason I suddenly felt compelled to return to her Profile Page for the umpteenth time. [I blame it on Shiny Button Syndrome. I saw the button, I had to click it]. From there I clicked on a blog that she follows, and after spending some time there I clicked on a blog which that person follows…and I just kept going.

Some made me laugh, some made me cry…some made me do this O.o hehe ^_^

But every single one made me think. I thought about…everything, really. Or, I guess maybe I should say everything that’s been running through my mind the past few months. And I decided somewhere along the way [I’m still not entirely sure if it was slowly or suddenly] to try my hand at this art form you call blogging.

I’m not sure what made me feel the sudden urge to write down everything that’s been on my heart lately , much less in blog form. I’ve attempted several blogs before but was never very successful. I blame many things: I blame my lack of interest, my age (at the time), my feeling of ineptness (is that a word?) at creating something worth reading, my inability to commit to anything…mostly, I blame my inability to remember my password :P ha! Sad, but true. I have four, YES FOUR, blogs out there circling the Web of Word Wide’s drain, and I can’t remember how to get back to them.

But alas, something has compelled me to give it yet another go. Maybe this time I’ll actually stick with it. But I’m not making any promises.

  • I’m not promising to forever remember my password.

  • I’m not promising to blog every single day.

  • I’m not promising to write anything amazing or philosophical or anything worth reading.

  • I’m most definitely not promising that this is something I’ll actually stick with for more than a few posts.

I can’t even promise not to promise anything, because I decided exactly halfway though my list above that I accidently lied. I do promise one thing: everything I write from here on out will be completely from the heart, mind and soul – completely honest and outright. I will do my best at getting my thoughts and feelings across in a way that is understandable, but my words don’t always do their best. They can be inconclusive and indecisive, and sometimes just plain mean. I apologize in advance for any confusion that may ensue from reading my future posts.

The completely honest and outright part is a result of the very first line of this post. I will most likely be blogging on nights like this, when I can’t sleep. Therefore, I am likely to get tired and be a little more honest and let a few more things out than I normally would. But that’s okay, I regret nothing...until the next day anyway O.o hehe ;)

With all that being said, I think I may have just realized at what point I decided it would be a good idea to blog. And here comes to first bit of information that I normally wouldn’t tell people if I weren’t half asleep. I attend a college in Tennessee, and this past semester I decided – with a “gentle” push from a great mentor -- to start seeing a counselor. Her name was Brandy, and she was AMAZING. She helped me through a lot of things I never expected to get through, and for the first time in a very long time I was happy again. I was being social and making friends. I was feeling better about myself, and life, my future, my family, my friends. I was smiling…I mean, REALLY smiling. I wasn’t faking it anymore. Since I’ve come home for the summer, I obviously haven’t been seeing her. And I can already tell a difference in my mood. I realized while attending sessions with Brandy that mostly just being able to have that outlet was an amazing feeling. At some point, someone’s blog, somewhere out there, made me think of Brandy, and how much I miss that outlet. And I wondered to myself if maybe I could find that same feeling in something else…perhaps blogging? Hmmm….

So here I am. And now I’m leaving.

Until we meet again, on that lonely sleepless night.

*yawn* zzzzzzzzzz

1 comment:

  1. This is a great post! I can't wait to see what else you have to say!