Sunday, October 31, 2010


So i decided to do something crazy this year and participate in NaNoWriMo. It stands for National November Writing Month. They challenge people who are willing to participate to write a novel during the month of November.

30 Days
50,000 words

I've got an idea in my head, but my lovely room mate asked me a few days ago what my theme was going to be. I looked at her like..."thanks, for ruining my life". The answer is, i have no idea. I've thought about it non stop for days now and still don't know what the central point of the story is going to be.

Here's the good news: IT DOESN'T MATTER! not really anyway. I mean, pretty much the idea is to not think too much. Just start typing on November 1st and see what happens.

Now you may be wondering what exactly I get out of all of this. Well, i get the satisfaction of being able to tell people i'm writing a novel, silly! It makes me sound WAY cooler than I actually am.

Be on the look out for excerpts, word counts, possible titles, and other information that may come up about my soon to be existent novel [yup...that feels as good as it sounds]. I'll try to keep up with my blog as much as possible over the course of this coming month, for the few followers i do actually have.

Happy Halloween ^_^

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Gonna Go Learn A New Song Now...

My life has been nothing short of a complete wreck lately. I can't really explain it, it's all just a blob of drama and confusion and worry inside my head and my heart right now. But I've been so focused on everything else in life that i haven't had much chance to actually sit down and write anything on here for awhile...nothing of much worth anyway. And the few times I have had the chance, i honestly just haven't felt like it. I've been trying to find my escape in my music and my art lately, instead.

Not that I haven't had plenty to write, or several fitful, sleepless nights that I could have spent typing. But my mind has just been everywhere else. I can't seem to focus much on any one thing for more than a few minutes. Even right now, I'm clicking back and forth between four websites, attempting to learn a new song, and working on some homework. So it's taking me way longer than it should to type this. But whatever gets it done, right?

You're probably wondering why I'm on here if I don't feel like being on here. But today is different. Today all I could think about was the incredible need to blog. Which is weird, because I kept asking myself, "but about what?" and never did come up with an answer. So I decided just to sit down, start typing, and see where it leads. And here I am.

One of my favorite songs at the moment just popped up on Pandora. I'm currently in love with it for several reasons:

1 ~ It's not a love song. I'm so incredibly sick of hearing love songs and mushy gushy crap every time I decide to listen to music. Seriously, count the next 10 songs you hear -- whether it be on the radio, pandora, or from your ipod on shuffle -- and see how many of them actually AREN'T love songs.

2 ~ It describes my attitude towards life and everything and everyone in it at the moment perfectly. I love it when songs do that. Because honestly, I suck at conveying my feelings.

3 ~ It has a few really good reminders that I need to hear several times a day at this point in my life: (1) Stop getting up for the let down, (2) Who you are is not up to them, (3) You've gotta mean it when you say what you want, and (4) You're saying anything that gets you by.

4 ~ The video makes me smile =)

5 ~ I absolutely love his voice. I don't really know why. But it's different, and I like it.

So I'm slightly sorry I have nothing better to type about...but I felt like blogging, and had nothing to say, so...

Monday, October 18, 2010

Forget Days Or Weeks...

......It's gonna be one of those months...the attacks show no sign of exhaustion.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Thanks For Being There

Just when I thought I was alone, you reminded me that I wasn't.



Thursday, October 14, 2010

Do You Ever Have Those Days?

Or weeks... The ones where everything feels like it's crashing down on you. It all decides to attack at once. You simply feel overloaded. And all you want, the only thing in the entire world that you can even think of, is the incredible need to crawl into someone's embrace and stay there. To fall asleep in their arms and wake up knowing that things are going to be okay.

I'm having one of those weeks.

Tonight was definitely the worst. The one thing I want right now, more than any other thing, is to have someone here. Someone that will wrap their arms around me and shelter me from the attacks. Someone that will tell me it'll all be okay. That I'll get through this. That it will pass, and I'll come out stronger because of it. Someone that will here, for no other reason than that they love me.

So what do you do when you don't have anyone like that in your life?

Because I need something to make me feel better. I need something to take the pain away.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I Am No One's Priority -- Faulty Logic

At some point this past summer this thought occurred to me. I'm not exactly sure when it hit me. I just remember thinking about it quite a few hours. And even for the few weeks following, the thought would creep up on me. It made me step back and thoroughly examine my relationships with certain people.

Actually, now that I'm writing it out, I'm seeing it more as a realization...then again, I guess it could be both a thought and a realization. Not that that actually makes a difference...anyway.

I don't say this as though I believe I deserve to be at the top of anyone's list. Honestly, I don't expect to be. I don't have that type of relationship with anyone. Not really.

Most people place their significant others at the top of their list. I don't have one. Therefore I'm not at the top of anyone's list. That's how I've always seen it.

Also on that list you can usually find in some general order: school work, future plans, personal interests, etc.

But I always kind of thought that I was at least a general priority on certain peoples' lists. I see now that it quite often doesn't work that way. Most of the people put so much energy into the top of their list that they have none left over for the other people that surround them. Not in the "you are a priority in my life" kind of way, that is.

I came to accept this over the summer. And while I still have some trouble with it, I'm getting better at not becoming so upset with the people around me because of what they do or say -- or more often don't do or say. I simply remind myself that I am not one of their priorities, so it just doesn't cross their mind that not doing something simply because I want to hurts my feelings sometimes. As does not thinking about me, or saying certain things in certain ways. And so on.

Now I'm not saying any of this to upset those people. Or to belittle the amazing love I know they have for me. They are GREAT friends, that often times I don't deserve. I love them all dearly and for the most part am satisfied with the relationship I have with all of them.

And I'm not saying it to belittle myself either. I deserve to be someone's top priority. We all do. I just haven't found that someone yet.

I say it because today I had another thought/realization thingy.

I automatically assumed that in looking at these two types of relationships and seeing that in neither one am I at the top of anyone's list, in conclusion: I Am No One's Priority.

This is faulty. As I am in a habit of doing, I overlooked the two people in my life that will always have me at the top of their priority list. The two people that love me unconditionally, and whom I all too often don't acknowledge. My parents are amazing people. They endure more than they have to with me, and they do so with open arms.

I am their child.

I will forever be their child.

I will forever be their priority.

I don't always do so well with spoken words. But I'm decent enough at writing them down when I try hard enough. So I decided to write them a letter today. A very personal, hand written letter. To apologize for not appreciating them more often. And to thank them for making me their priority, no matter what.

So who's list are you at the top of?

And who's at the top of yours?

Do you have any letters you want to write?

Is there anyone you want to let know is a priority in you life?

Is there anyone you want to thank for making you a priority?

I encourage you to try this.

Or even just write them a letter. A personal, hand written letter. About...anything. Whatever you want to tell them. Just be sure you tell them.