Thursday, August 26, 2010

Update -- A Life Somewhat Worth Having

So I was reading a friend and fellow blogger's post and decided to make my own update on things going on in my life at the moment.

SCHOOL: Is a little weird for me this semester. It feels like I'm back where I should be (at least for a few more months) but at the same time it doesn't quite feel right. As weird as it sounds, I have to wonder if it's because I'm not in my old room. That room was like home to me, so this one is just...awkward. Hopefully that will change. Classes are going pretty good. I have four that are actually in classrooms, two of which are at 7:35am. Meh...(that's right, i said it!) Music Appreciation is one, but I don't think it is going to be nearly as boring as i expected. The other is Greek, and it is going to be doing some major kicking of my rear behind.

I also have a speech class, which is going to be as horrible (and more) as i expected. I'm a nervous person when it comes to the "all eyes on me" situation. I have to give four written/prepared speeches and 3 random/unprepared ones on whatever topic he decides to give us during random classes. I've already completed one the first day of class, it wasn't too horribly awful, but I've done better.

And then there's Lit class. Which you would assume means a lot of reading, right? NO! Because I have an idiot for a professor. Lots of writing unfortunately...and hardly any reading :/ we'll see how that goes.

I also have one online -- Acts of the Apostles -- which is also going to be doing some major butt kicking. But I'm going to enjoy it a lot, i do believe.

But with all that being said, the good news is: If i pass all my classes, I graduate in December! WOOT!! This is a major plus, considering that when I got here a few days ago I expected to be here for another year. Which wouldn't be horrible necessarily, it just makes things a lot easier on me in the long run if I can get out of here and move on to my Social Work degree as soon as possible.

WORK: I am currently looking for a job. We'll see how well I can handle around 20 hours a week plus 15.5 hours of classes, as well as the Ministry Hours I need for this semester. Not so sure how many I'm supposed to end with...I need to start figuring that stuff out...

FRIENDSHIPS: Being gone for a year and then coming back home for a few months played weird tricks on my friendships. There's one that was present but not quite a necessity when I left. But summer, and certain events and happenings, led our friendship in a "I need you in my life" direction very quickly. I'm missing that person MAJOR right now. I made friends with someone that I've known for awhile and never expected to speak to in my life (that's always interesting). Others I didn't pay near enough attention to this summer, and I regret that. But I plan on changing them for the better. I've already set up a "date night" (so we call them) with one the next time I'm home. I'm excited ^_^ <3 There are some that I used to be fairly close to that I don't speak to anymore. And then there's the best friendship I ever had. I feel I've lost that one completely at the moment. It tore me up all summer. I stressed over it a lot. But I've decided I can't keep pushing it when the other person doesn't care. But I'm not really giving up as much as I'm just waiting for them to make the first move. I can't keep letting it affect me the way it has.

FAMILY: Again, being gone for a year and then coming home did weird things. I found myself wanting to spend time with my family a lot at the beginning of the summer. Of course, near the end I was ready to leave them for awhile. But I bonded with my mother for the first time EVER, really. I don't know how to feel about my relationship with my family right now. All i know is...It's better than it's ever been. And i like it.

Yea, I originally planned on doing my Music Appreciation assignments between classes, but considering my next one is in 30 minutes...Umm, not gonna happen. Oh, and since I have 7:35 classes, my bedtime is 11pm. Which means no late night "I can't sleep..." ramblings. At least not during the week. We'll see how the weekend treats me.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Blonde Hair + Blue Eyes + Amazing Voice = *HEART*

Have you ever seen someone and there's just something about them that is so beautiful that you just can't stop staring? I've always had a thing for talented guys with blonde hair and blue eyes. Will Pugh definitely fills this position. His voice is pretty much perfect. I believe I could stare at him singing forever. Which is pretty much what I've been doing for a week straight...yea, I'm that obsessed...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I Should Most Definitely Be Sleeping Right Now

I do believe this is the first blog in a while that I'm actually typing because I simply couldn't sleep.

And I don't even know why I can't sleep right now. It's one of THOSE nights. You know, the ones where you know you have to get some sleep because tomorrow is gonna be so incredibly long and hard. And you're so extremely tired, to the point where you can barely keep your eyes open, and you're yawning like crazy. But no matter how much your body and your mind are screaming, "GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!!" there's still that one little something inside of you that you can't quite locate that's no where near ready to go to sleep.

You lay in bed, and you toss and turn. Then you watch some t.v. and you waste all the time you can possibly waste on facebook and playing computer games. Then you completely run out of things to do, so you crawl back in bed and toss and turn some more. And no matter how hard you try to fall asleep, there's just that something that's keeping you awake. And you don't have a clue as to what it might be. I mean, sure, you've got some things that you haven't been able to get off of your mind lately, but they're not so bad that they're gonna keep you awake like this. So what is it?! What could possibly be causing your body to have such a malfunction?!

I don't know...but I don't like it. I despise nights like this. Nights like this are the worst. At least on other sleepless nights, there are reasons. But this is just pointless.

A pointless, sleepless night.

Maybe if I stopped trying so hard,

I could just...

drift away...






Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I Feel The Need To Share Something Amazing Today

so, again with the music...there's this amazing song, with an even more amazing video. It's one of those things where, the more you listen to/watch it, the more you fall in love with it. The more you notice about it. The more you get inspired in whatever way you may get inspired. And the more you wanna listen to/watch it to see what else you've missed.

In short, it's amazing. And it's most definitely my inspiration for...well, i would say the day. But I have a feeling it'll be more like the month...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Do You Ever...

...stop and wonder what it would really be like to be someone else? I know it sounds so incredibly selfish and stupid, but sometimes I wish I had it more difficult than I do. Maybe then I would have something that inspired me, and motivated me to really do something different with my life. It's way too easy to get caught up in the simplicity of every day motions and think that it would be perfectly okay to live easy for the rest of my days...

Friday, August 6, 2010

Is It Even Possible?

Have you ever missed a place that you never really knew?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

It's Never Felt So...Right

So, i did it! :)

I survived a week straight with my parents. We went to the beach. Yea, 12 hour drive with my parents...not so much. But it ended up not being as bad as I expected, and the beach itself was completely worth what few bad times there were.

Plus, I learned some things about myself. Or, I guess you can say they're about me.

Remember me saying before that I wasn't sure if I ever will find someone, settle down, start a family, etc, etc.? Well...I'm still not sure. And I'm completely okay with that. But I did learn a few things about what I would like in a relationship if the opportunity ever came along. (Is it bad that I learn what I want in a relationship based on what I don't like about my parents'...)

1~ I want a guy who's got some adventure. I love trying new things, and my mom used to be the same way. But my dad never has liked the whole "out with old, in with the new" idea. And over the years she's changed because of it. Even when I finally talked her into trying something new, she was so nervous that all she kept saying the 3 days leading up to it was "I don't know about this," "this is stupid," "this is dangerous," "i shouldn't do this,". She used to be all about adventure, and trying something a little dangerous. I don't ever want to lose my adventure like she did. Especially not because of someone else. I want to enjoy new experiences with the guy I love, not leave him sitting in the room while I go off and do it on my own.

2~ He can't be afraid of water, he's gotta love it as much as I do. I love being out on the water, whether it be the wide open ocean, a lake, or simply a pool -- he's gotta be willing to jump right in. My dad can't swim, and refuses to go anywhere near water, and because of that he missed out on all the fun. I felt bad leaving him behind, but I wasn't about to let him keep me from enjoying it. I don't ever want to have to be like that with my significant other.

3~ He can't be addicted to work. He needs to want to get away from work for awhile and at the end of the vacation never want to leave. I mean, I want him to enjoy his work. But I don't want him sitting around while we're on vacation waiting for it to be over so he can get back to his job. It's kind of a bummer.

3~ He has to love road trips. He has to be okay with just jumping in the car and driving away. Hours and hours on the road. No destination, just...going. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the view.

4~ We have to be able to talk forever and never run out of things to say. But also be perfectly comfortable being together in silence. My parents aren't so good at either of these.

5~ I could live on the beach for the rest of my life. Usually a week in one place and I get bored but I was never once ready to leave that place. We went jet skiing our third day there and we road through some of the channels. In one area, there were these b-e-a-u-tiful, absolutely gorgeous houses lined up along the water. They had these long docks that lead straight down to the water. There was this one old, stone house. I actually stopped my jet ski right in front of it just to stare at it. All i could think when I looked at it was, "Yea, I could live there. I could stay in that house for the rest of my life." It had the most awe inspiring view where it was sitting. I wanted it. In that moment, more than anything, I wanted that house. I wanted that life.

I started the ski back up and continued, but I was still thinking about that place. I've never felt so sure about a specific place in my life. It was just...right. At one point I even thought to myself, "I'm transferring schools after this coming year would be so easy to find one near the beach. Get a place of my own somewhere." I knew it was a stupid idea...but it was all I could think about the rest of the week. All I wanted to do was go back to that house. That's still all I wanna do...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I Know He's Here, But I Don't Look

I watched the sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean this morning...

I saw God today.